TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING

It's been a year since I last posted in here. I never had the time to browse or post because I was so busy with work and it has been a stressful year. However, I have these emails from my blog that many people are posting or commenting and it surprised me. From the response that I had on one article, this blog was supposedly for my own personal use. It's like a diary. I can say what I want and I can do what I want with it. It was already overwhelming knowing that for the past few days, I have been receiving comments from those people who viewed my blog and commented. All of the compliments are absolutely brilliant and made me want to write again.

I lost the inspiration to write because of some dumb problems, that I was too focused about it. It just came to my mind while scrolling down to my emails that this might be one of the solutions not to over think things.

To start off, before I stopped writing, my topic was all about Jang Keun Suk. I had been a fan and always will be. But right now, I have too many things in my mind that I really want to share.

About family. I am the youngest. I have half brothers and sisters but my full blood sister already died. I'm the only one who is not married but that has work. I decided to look for a job after graduating because my siblings became my frustration. All of them are married, have kids but still staying and asking for money, food, electricity and all from my mom. It's very suffocating to stay in my hometown and in our house. How would you feel to see your mom looking old, tired and crying every time you go home? I would surely say you would feel you're in hell. My real dad doesn't have any work because he has COPD. Another struggle I've been trying to overcome.

Having this kind of family was not really what I wanted. I always say that if only I could chose the family that I want, this would never be the option that I'd take. Still I can say that even if I hated to be in this situation, I still love them. I just really hope that my siblings would realize that our mother won't be there forever. Since I graduated that's the first thing that came to my mind. I need to work hard for my own future and yes, I am doing that now and I'm proud of it. Even though, I still have the guts to ask money from my mom especially when I ran out of funds, it always makes me fulfilled that I haven't been a big problem for her. Aside from the fact that I am not yet married and most importantly I am not that dependent on her. I always say this to my mom "I'm sorry if I haven't given you the things that you have provided me since the day I was born. The only thing that I can give you is the responsibility and the independence that you have engraved in my mind while I was growing up. I am very much thankful to have you as my mom that worked hard for all of us. I am not promising anything but I will do my best in my power to give you the life that you should deserve." My mom would always end up silent and me hoping that she would realize she has to let go of them because it's for their own good and hers as well. Unfortunately, she's the most typical-naive mother you would know. If you know what I mean. I miss her so much as well as my dad but I don't want to go home because if I'm there my whole week in work once I go back will be a mess.

Another thing that always gives me headaches is friendship. This is one of my weakness. I am the type of friend who tolerates everything you do, I would never go against your will, and would never argue with the things that you decide as long as you know your responsibility and consequences for every decision that you'll take, either good or bad. The only thing this perception makes it complicated is that, most of my friends and the closest ones can manipulate me. They always think that everything is okay with me. They think that every smile that I have are real and they don't know what is happening inside me. They are very preoccupied from the fact that I tolerate them. The bad thing is, they don't know the morale of the things that I am doing for them.

God gave us the greatest gift he could ever provide. It's the WILL to decide on what is wrong and right. For me having a friend is like keeping a diary. You can write anything on it. Every heartbreak, happiness, disappointments and every thing that you want to blurt out. A diary would never go against your will or even talk back. It would accept every ink that you have painted. The only thing that a diary could do is to make you realize all the things that you did, whether good or bad, every time you read each of the pages that you have made. That for me is friendship.

We were made to be unique individuals and every person has their own way of surviving. You can't say that a friend should be frank to say that you are wrong or right. You and yourself knows what is wrong and what is right. You made the decision not because you were told to do that or forced. Another thing is to manipulate a friend. When I say manipulate I mean those kind of  friends that always say "This is the right thing to do","That was so wrong", or worst "You are so stupid". In my opinion, that would never help your friend to do the right thing or even the wrong ones. It would simply make her self esteem lower. Or worst, he  or she would want to do the things that is opposite from what you are saying. That friend would think, I need to prove them wrong. Not a healthy relationship for me.

To make the story short, I want a friend who simply knows everything about me. A diary that I can cry myself out. Who never gets jealous to other friends that I have because she knows the fact that at the end of the day I will hold that pen and write. The friend that helps me to be independent and not jailed because of the restrictions that she has for the relationship. A friend that will never take me for granted. I want the best and most beautiful diary in the whole world.

The next thing in my mind that has been keeping me frustrated for nth time is work. As what elders say "It will be dragging for the next 5 years to have the same job when you're still young". Absolutely correct! I have been working in this company for four years. The same task and customers. And god I hate this job. As for the fact that I don't want to be manipulated, it's really making me feel like I'm a prisoner of some war or dictatorial era. Pushing me to the limits is really not my dream. Not even the word push can make me feel any different. I would go the other way around. The only thing that makes me stay is the compensation. Well, I don't want to stress out myself. I've been thinking to change preference to bring back the old me. The eagerness to work and the inspiration to do the things that I love. I smell that one paper coming!

Lastly, looking for that special someone. I've been on this online dating site for 3 years and the first year was not that important for me. It has been recently that I felt I want to have a relationship to some foreigner. I'm not a racist. It's purely because of the experiences that I had since puberty stage. For me, dating a Filipino guy is like over rated. Most of the relationship I had was dragging, manipulating, sickening and not for real. It was always good for a few months. But when you start to know the things that you didn't know about that person, it would feel suffocating. They say real love always comes with acceptance. Accept the person that you know and things that you still don't know. Yes, I believe in that. It's always not  easy to do it though. How can you love someone who doesn't understand you, manipulates you or uses you? Would you still go for that fact in accepting him or her no matter what? Not for me. My past relationships were like that. The most recent one was dragging. Thank God it ended. After that, I decided to close my heart to the possibility of having a Filipino guy.

Most of the men in our country loves to talk about everything and loves to flatter women even if they don't mean it. It also happens a lot to have a dragging relationship with them because they always say they love you even if they don't. They do the opposite things. They don't talk and they have what they call as PRIDE! I think almost all of the men has that, but very dominant in the Philippines. That's why I decided to change course. I want someone from the US  or European countries. Well, that was when I thought they were very different. I solely believe that most of the men in those countries are very vocal and frank. I never had a relationship with a western guy though but I experienced talking to a lot of them online. When they say they don't like you, hitting that block button is as easy as saying hi. They won't stay with you. If they want to end the relationship then that's it. Which is the weirdest thing that I like about them. I don't get offended when someone doesn't want to talk to me or even block me. I admire them for doing that.

It's just that recently I realized that almost all of the guys I talk to online are stupid. Stupid because we have what we call as profile. You can say the things that you want from a guy or your perfect match. I have already listed some of the things I want and damn them they don't understand every inch that I say. I might as well delete the account one of these days because they are adding frustration and stress to my nerves. You can actually check out my profile there http://www.findloveasia.com/meih25 Believe it or not almost everyday I get block listed guys when I am online and I just end up not replying to them no matter how much they have or how awesome they are. Another thing that makes me feel sick is the perception of the western guys that all Filipinas want money. I am easily irritated with that but I don't blame them. It's just the same thing that I said regarding other races. Well, if you don't like it then don't reply. I would assume that once a person sent me a message, he read my profile properly.

That's pretty it. Those are the things that has been on my mind since the day I last posted in here. Thank you for the followers and I hope you enjoyed!

Prince of Asia (Jang Keun Seok)

Hello!

I've been looking for an inspiration in writing blogs these days and God really gave me someone whom I can relate to...

As what you can see from my previous posts, I have been talking about K-dramas. Recently, I finished 'He's Beautiful' and 'Mary me Marry'. I saw the Jang Geun Suk that is a very admiring and a talented person from those dramas. I naturally don't like to be a fan of anybody. What I meant to say is I don't usually have the kind of support that other fans have for their idols. Screaming, going to every fan meeting, spending lots of money for concerts and every typical thing that a fan would do. 

Jang Geun Suk was not really that great impact for me. I did admire the two K-dramas that I've seen and like every other drama, once I'm done watching, proceed to the next. The one thing that struck me and gave me curiosity was that when I tried to search for his name and many stuffs appeared about him being the Prince of Asia. I did wonder why he got that name. 

Searched more about him and it was like getting one piece of a puzzle. I first searched for the videos he had on youtube and I saw the concerts, music videos, OST he made and other dramas he portrayed. It made me more curious about him being tagged as the most honest person. The fan videos were great. I saw a little bit side of him. 

On google, I searched the 'The Center of the New Hallyu, I Am Jang Keun Suk' and right then and there when the I saw the first ep, it was like I broke into pieces and asked myself how I am living my life. How can a person exists with this kind of outlook in life. I never thought that this person was very passionate and dedicated to his work. I thought of him before as like every other celebs that are just making hypocrisy as a habit. Although, I haven't seen him in person or meet him as well, judging from how I was moved by his fans. He might be a truly good person.

I did gave time to search more of him and when I saw the struggles, happiness, fulfillment and love that he has for his fans it was awesome. The tributes that were given to him and the astonished reactions of his fans whenever they see him. Watching the documentary film, I can say that I cried thrice already. I didn't cry because of sadness or anything, but I cried because of the happiness and sincerity I've seen in him during the concerts he did in Japan.

The things he did sacrifice for him to get what he have right now is why I am looking up to him. The respect I have for him now is way better than other artists that only gets pleasure in being popular. The way he handle his fans should be praised and the love they have for each other. Including the Anti-fans, it would be way possible that they will like him sooner or later.

I can say that after all of those reviews, videos, and other related stuff about him truly helped me realize that he's not an ordinary person. A free-willed, frank, intelligent, talented, mysterious, honest, sincere, optimistic and motivated person I've known my entire life. 

I know deep in my heart that if you keep on adapting and continue to be who you are right now, being the World prince is just a one jump shot! Fighting!

Thank you for sharing your life with us PRINCE. I can now say Saranghe! :)

Recently, I've been watching Korean dramas and I find it very entertaining. The story line is good and the actors are the best. When I thought of it, I'd like to share to you my top most 5 favorite dramas so far. Here it goes.

1. CITY HUNTER

 

When I saw the official poster of this drama I never really liked it. However, when I started EP1 my eyes and mind can't get rid of the story line that struck me. The best of the best from what I saw so far.

2. SCENT OF A WOMAN
 

One of the best love stories I've watched. It was about the true meaning of love and how you can overcome all the obstacles no matter what. I love the characters so much and the story of those people having cancer and just waiting to die. My heart felt the unfairness of life and all of the bitterness it has.

3. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

 

This drama never caught my attention when I first saw it on www.viki.com as one of the featured dramas. I tried to watch it when I was waiting for another ep from one of my awaited dramas. It was so good that from the start till the end of the series I was laughing hard and it made me that happy. 

4. WILD ROMANCE 

 

This is the funniest drama I've ever seen from EP one to ten and it surprisingly makes me laugh from minute one upto the last minute of an episode. The best ending I've ever seen on a K-drama. A wild and Hilarius rom-com ever.

5. BOF

The first ever K-Drama that I've watched and made me feel that the dramas made by Koreans are really good. They have this amazing way to capture the hearts of the viewers and it works for me. Who could not know the story of Geum Jan di and Gu jun pyu? Love them all and forever!

Unfair system!

 

When I first got this job, I was the happiest person living. First job after graduating and privileged to be one of the agents on this account. I never thought that this time will come. 

I'm the kind of person that works even if it's beyond my responsibility. One thing that's bad about me is health. I easily get colds and fever. When I started working here, I always get sick and took leave of absences. 

I always ask permission and never did I forget to give medical certificates. Unless it's a family emergency.

Lately, our supervisor went to a different account. We were a bit sad because of it. However, ever since we started this job,  I have this colleague that never think of others. He just wanted to get benefits just for himself. I like him as a friend but not as a co-worker. He's being too unfair. He logs in at 5 and works at 7. The one thing I hated the most is that no one dares to consult or even chastise him for this. Adding to my disappointment, our new supervisor scolded me about using the two 15 minute break at the same time. It was really okay for me to get the scold since it was really wrong and a violation do that. 

I accepted it heartily. Yesterday, his shift was supposedly at 5 am. He was not late. Arrived at 4:50 am and went to a huddle by our manager. Came back around 5:45 and still he weren't able to set up his tools yet. I already got three chats (The maximum chat capacity of each agent) and was very angry because he always do this all the time. He always finds a reason to log in late and waste time. Walked around the floor and had chit chats with the other agents made me angrier. If only I had the guts to say it to his face, I would have done it since then. I just thought of the feeling being insulted and I'm the kind of person that really doesn't want trouble. This might be the reason why people always take me for granted. 

At 6, I thought he already set up his tools. I was surprised when he invited our SME to have a break and was even more amazed when they went out together. I felt disgusted and angry because no one noticed or dared to say anything. Is he a GOD or the owner of the company? Damn! I then told our supervisor about it and never thought that he didn't even said a word to the person whom I talked about.

From that time then, I thought about resigning. I always get the unfair judgement and never had the chance to prove anything. I always do my best to be the best and they never notice it. He just stays there and Poof! all the credits goes to him. They always say that they will take action about it but it's been two years already and the same stupid things happen. I really don't want to go against this person but he pushed me through this. I respected him and he never realizes any of it. 

Counting down......

10 minutes left and WELCOME 2012!

I might not be given the chance to spend it with my family but I'm still happy that I was able to until 8pm today. That was enough for me. The smiles that I saw from them was all worthwhile.


Hoping for a great new year!

What's for the NEW year?

Hmmm.... Been thinking of resolutions already but never really wanted to have list. I never ever follow them anyways.... But for sure, I will make 2012 the best year.

I did a search for my birth year and here it goes:

The Dragon is a creature of myth and legend. A symbol of good fortune and sign of intense power, the Oriental Dragon is regarded as a divine beast - the reverse of the malicious monster that Westerners felt necessary to find and slay. In Eastern philosophy, the Dragon is said to be a deliverer of good fortune and a master of authority. Therefore, those people born in Dragon years are to be honored and respected.----- You should respect me guys.... lol

DRAGON FACTS:

People born in the Year of the Dragon share certain characteristics. The Dragon sign is an abbreviated way of characterizing that individual's personality. Following are features associated with the sign of the Dragon. 

CHARACTERISTICS

• Innovative
• Enterprising
• Flexible
• Self-assured
• Brave
• Passionate
• Conceited
• Tactless
• Scrutinizing
• Unanticipated
• Quick-tempered 

Soooooo True.....

THE EARTH DRAGON  1988

Earth Dragons make great managers because they are practical, levelheaded and demonstrate a knack for organizing. They still have the need to dictate and be admired, but they are affable, congenial and supportive. Compared to other Dragons, Earth Dragons are less likely to breathe fire at the least irritation. They will work diligently to complete their life goals. The Earth element adds a greater portion of self-control to the Dragon's personality and usually the Earth Dragon is deserving of the respect he or she desires. These Dragons take their life and romantic responsibilities quite seriously.

I don't think so... I'm still an agent.... But planning to level up this year because it's my year (Evil Laugh)....

HEALTH

Dragons take thrilling risks and burn the candle at both ends so they are fortunate to be blessed with good health. Among the most hearty of the Animal signs, they can suffer bad health as a result of stress. Symptoms of their personalities often stem from emotional outbursts and can range from tension headaches to depression to hypertension. Dragons can remedy these problems by maintaining their cool, implementing a routine in their daily lives, and utilizing exercises such as yoga or tai kwon do that soothe the mind and spirit as well as tone the body.

Hahahaha I have a very big body..... Not fat but big...

http://www.herongyang.com/chinese/archive/999998205_Chinese_Horoscopes_The_Dragon.html

Just here for now.... Will search for this later :P

Homework of my Niece (Synonyms, Antonyms and Homonyms)

SYNONYMS

1. Eager - Earnest

2. Spontaneous - Impromptu

3. Close - Shut

4. Blowup - Inflate

5. Shallow - Superficial

6. Drunk - Loaded

7. Feasting - Banquet

8. Ferocious - Furious

9. Coarse - Common

10. Coach - Train

11. Shade - Darken

12. Shaky - Unstable

13. Tears - Snap

14. Swarm - Stream

15. Tedious - Boring

ANTONYMS

1. Weak - Strong

2. Low - High

3. Thick - Thin

4. Straight - Crooked

5. Agree - Disagree

6. Nice - Mean

7. Old - Young

8. Near - Far

9. Tall - Short

10. Day - Night

11. Sleep - Awake

12. Sense - Nonsense

13. Decent - Indecent

14. Human - Inhuman

15. Male - Female

HOMONYMS

1. Made - Maid

2. Ate - Eight

3. Meat - Meet

4. Bear - Bare

5. Read - Reed

6. Light - Lite

7. Advise - Advice

8. Ascent - Assent

9. Ail - Ale

10. Allay - Alley

11. Bail - Bale

12. Nit - Neat

13. Teem - Team

Scrambled thoughts

Darn, I promised I will post something but I never had the time. I am now very busy watching Korean dramas that I always forget posting something here. For the past few weeks many things happened. 

I started to join the the 'Christian Life Program' of Singles for Christ. But still doing those bad habits. For two weeks straight, I have been drinking, smoking and trying to kill myself by not having enough sleep when going to work. 

Then my body collapsed. I was hospitalized last week because my kidney was swollen and I had an infection. I thought I will die that time. Luckily, I am still here writing this blog. 

Now, I am obliged to go on a diet and lose weight. I really planned it before the hospitalization happened, but because of some reasons, I wasn't able to do it.

These days, I am trying to pull my self together and think of what is happening in my life. The problems I am ignoring and the things that will happen because of my issues at present.
My dad and mom wanted to separate, my brothers and sisters still think that they don't have their own families. Mom always think that dad is having an affair with somebody else even though she doesn't have the proof. Dad always scold mom like it was his maid. 

I hate this life sometimes. Whenever I have problems it always comes like it wanted to kill me.

Sometimes, I wanted it all to stop. That will never happen though... :(

Partner

When I hear that word, I always think about a bestfriend, Love one or colleague. These past few days, I have been watching different Korean Drama. So melodramatic of me but I truly admire and congratulate the writers in Korea. I am not saying that Filipinos are off. I do have the right to appreciate things right? Also, I always think about the difference and quality of drama in the Philippines and Korea and I admire both. 

Going back to the main point. I watched Partner for two days and a half and it really did fed me everything. Although some of it are very crucial and unbelievable, I do believe that there are people out there who would rather choose injustice than to offer their lives. Also, I know that many are still pure at heart and believe in what we call JUSTICE. 

The word ‘Partner’ takes a different meaning when it is used in law firm. Partners are the people who survived from the power struggle. They are executives who are on the top of the law firm pyramid. Enterprises are law firm’s partners. Law firms fight each other to become a partner of business. They struggle to be close to power and to become a slave of money. There are some lawyers who want be the partners of commoners as well. They are willing to be the spokesperson for the underprivileged. It is a story about partner; the one who is going to stay by your side and fight together in front of law. 

Cast

Kim Hyun Joo as Kang Eun Ho
Lee Dong Wook as Lee Tae Jo
Choi Chul Ho as Lee Young Woo (Tae Jo’s older brother)
Lee Ha Nui as Han Jung Won

This drama really taught me about life. You can never judge a person on how they handle themselves physically. He might be the worst person you taught you knew but deep inside there's a very good heart that became numb because of the things that happened to his life. He might be the happiest person you've ever seen but deep inside, you will see the true feeling that's been killing him in his entire life. It doesn't only speak about law firms and the law, but it also help us to be more considerate, understanding and vigilant at the same time. That's how we need to handle life. Cause without that, there begins conflicts and worst, death.

What to do with me life?

When I was a kid, I'm not that very ambitous. As what we always say 'I wanted to be------ someday'. The most important thing in my life then was to play and play. It changed when I went to highschool. All of it. I started to dream of getting a job with a higher salary. If not, be a professional nurse to find a cure or maybe a doctor. I've always dreamt of how my life would be for the next few years.

Now, here I am sitting in this very cozy chair and thinking of what to do in my life. The dreams I had are still unreachable. However, I did find a job with a good salary. Wondering again what will happen to me for the next 5 to 10 years. Would I still be here and lonely? Or would I be able to reach my dreams.

 One of it is to have a family, living on the spot where I really wanted the most. My dream house would be near the shoreline if not, above the shoreline. I wanted to see the wide ocean or sea and die with the sun set. I wanted to feel the warm breeze and feel all the love that God gave us. That's how I see my life.

It will only be dependent on how I do it today. Just wishing and wishing. Maybe one of the falling stars grant it.

Forgot about you.

Hey there. Sorry not been blogging for the past few days. I have been busy with work and specially hanging out with Dhee. We were almost drunk everyday. It was all worth it. Many things happened and really don't know why it did. Me and my exboyfriend went to a fiesta near our place. Dhee and him got into a fight but already good with it. I got a fever last wednesday but still managed to drink 2 cases of beer with some of my friends. I really don't know what's gotten into me these past few days. I think I might die because of an alcohol overdose. Does anybody know anything about that? Oh, well. That doesn't matter either, as long as I'm still alive, that's far more important.

After drinking, all I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep. Too bad I need to go to work. No chance of complaining since no one told me to drink even if I have work the next day. I just love my life right now. No one's forcing me to do this and to do that. I always follow my feet wherever it leads me. I might not live for long but will never regret all the things that happened into my life. It may never be as meaningful as with others but for me it's worth dying for. LOL. Don't really know what I am saying. Just here for now. I have had many drafts to finish. :)

The beginning of what we called 'Real Life'

When I was still at my young and vulnerable age, I wondered what will happen after I finish schooling. What course would I take and every curious questions runs through my mind. When I was in college, I never took it seriously. I always thought that life is all about fun and happenings. I was average in terms of grades and never really did learn that much. 

After graduation, the reality of looking for a job strike me. I was sitting in the middle of the town and thinking what job should I get. As a nursing graduate, it is very difficult for us to find one. Many are jobless and most doesn't fit for the job. Then it killed every dream I had. I never thought that life would be this hard. Living on your own. 

Thinking of my capacity, I decided to work in a BPO company. It was early in the morning that I printed the resumes needed for the day's planned applications. I first applied in a small call center and unfortunately, wasn't able to get the job. The money left in my pocket was just 100 PHP. I haven't had my breakfast and my feet hurts. I ignored every pain I felt. I walked all day and still didn't get any recommendations. I almost surrendered the next day. I asked 2 of my friends to go with me. Luckily, I passed the initial interview and after long hours of waiting I still failed. I stopped looking for a job. Until one day, one of the companies called and told me that there is a new account. I grabbed the opportunity and I got my first job! I called my mom and told her about it. She was as happy as I am. 

After almost 2 years of working in this company, I realized how lucky and blessed I am to have a job.

Last night, one of my best friends invited me to a fiesta. I went there with a friend and I was shocked to see him like that. When we were still in college, he's a tall thin guy and full of dreams for his family. Now, he has a stable and a nice job that provides him more that what he needed. My best friend planned to go abroad. As I watched them closely, I realized that we were no longer immature all are different.

It seems like yesterday that I graduated. Everything else is different. The way I look into life and handle it. The people around me changed. Some improved and others not. The so called fear of the unknown has been opened and I'm still starting. Hoping I won't surrender on my way and will win this battle for good.

A night with Dhee

It's been a while since we met. Like a month ago. Many said that I like her more than just a friend. As I assess myself, it was never like that and will never be close to that. She's a very close friend to me. She always make me happy and that really matters especially these days. We never ran out of topics and laughing is our main course. She is a very caring and lovable person and I've always wanted to have a friend like that. As what I have blogged recently, I am longing for a younger sister and she definitely fits to the description of what I really want. 

Last night, I went to her place and we had a few to moderate drinks. We talked all night. There are times we ran out of words but always manage to get back in the line. She always makes me feel I'm important and she never fails to show that to me.

Whenever I am with her, I feel the presence of my younger sister. The warmth of a sisterly love. I just hope that this won't be just for a short period of time. Looking forward for the more exciting days with her.

Goodbye uncle

We met because of my ex-boyfriend. He was a very nice man. He even advised my ex bf to take care of me since my father is his old friend. Every time we visit their house, he's really very warm towards us. 

He was known as the powerful person in our place but not a politician. I can't tell you further but I know his principles in life and I respect it. The one thing that strike me was when I visited him at the funeral home. No one is there except for my 2 ex boyfriends. I asked them where are the other people or relatives. They told me no one wanted to stay awake until morning or what we called as 'Bilar'.

I felt sad and very disappointed. When he was alive he was the only person whom they turn to whenever they have problems bigger than they know. He was the person whom you can trust and ask for help. Now, he's dead only those people who didn't ask for help watched him. Why do people becomes selfish even through death? 

I volunteered and told my ex boyfriend that I'll be watching him over. I didn't sleep until 4 am. We played cards and everything else. At 4, my eyes no longer want to open then decided to sleep. I woke up at 5 then continued playing cards. It was already 12 in the afternoon that 2 of the relatives came over and gave us food. No one did said that they want to stay. We stayed there until 2pm.

As we went home, I just realized what if that happens to me. What if no one wanted to visit me in those 9 days. What would I feel? 

Wherever you are uncle, I love you and thank you for all the love you have given me even if it's only for a short period of time. You made me feel that I am very welcome to your family and you treated me as your own. Thank you so much and I will never forget all the wisdom and lessons you have taught me about life.

Crazy little thing called love

A short film that made my day. This is about a young girl with a pure heart. He loves someone who's been very impossible to be with. A handsome close to perfect guy. He's a member of the varsity Team and a so called 'Campus Crush'. Nam, totally in-love with him did everything. Joined every club where Shone is. Tanned and did every beauty tip she knows. Made the top of the class. Joined the marching band. She conquered all  of this just to be with his loved one. She was disregarded by Shone. He never noticed Nam. Although there are times that they were together. Nam never did surrender. Until one day, a bestfriend of Shone asked her to be his girlfriend. Nam, didn't agree but the perception of the guy over ruled. They spend time together for the whole school year. A night of celebration came and the guy kissed Nam. Shone did see it. Nam, who's heart is only for Shone was disappointed. On their way home, Nam and the so called boyfried argued and eventually broke up. This  changed the story. 

Nam never knew that Shone was totally inlove with her. Even if when she was still nothing. Shone didn't want to make it obvious because he doesn't have the courage to show or tell it to Nam. Shone realized that she lost Nam when his best friend courted her. Shone hid everything in a scrapbook. All of the pictures of Nam taken by Shone were there. The first time he saw Nam, the first held hands with Nam, the rose he planted and cared for just to give it to Nam on valentines day. The time he was so hurt because his bestfriend courted Nam. Every glimpse of Nam was noted. Nam was also the reason why he conquered his fear of doing the penalty kick. 

 They were both in-love with each other. The bad thing is they don't know anything about each others feelings.

When I saw this movie, it reminded me of how I was before. How I fell inlove with a guy who's very impossible to be with because of his reputation and my status. Unfortunately, we were not meant for each other. But when I remember the feeling I had for him, there's really butterflies in my stomach. I really really love this movie. The best of all the movies I've seen. Simple yet most unique love story ever.

A dream come true

I woke up with headache and colds. He was with me the night before and was very surprised he went in the city all by himself. We had a couple of drinks together with my friend Cyrell. It was already 5:30 in the morning of September 18. I still need to wake Dhee up. Worried and nervous, we went to her house and unfortunately, she is still sleeping. Drunk and don't want to get up. It was like a nightmare for me. I can't go to Cebu all by myself. We already had plans. We were excited and yet, she won't wake up. I tried but she didn't really want to go. I decided to pack up my things and leave. I was also worried because Dhee has the camera. If I go there without it, It would be very useless. 

On my way to the airport, I called my co-worker Des. I asked to borrow her camera and thank God, she lend it to me. Everything was good and I'm just minutes away to one of my dreams. 


Ever since I was a kid, I always dream of traveling through plane. I always thought of flying. How was it like to be up in the air and see the beautiful land and places below. Almost inches away from the clouds and feel the heat of the sun nearer. I was almost there.

Cebu Pacific Check in Counter

I arrived at the airport around 7:40 am. Not that early for a 9:40 am flight. On the entrance, the security guard asked for my ID and itinerary receipt. Put down by bags and hand it to a baggage conveyor. Next stop would be at the counter for your ticket. Mine was for Cebu Pacific Airlines. The flight 5J 596 was still not opened. Dumb me, I lined up at the wrong counter. It was bound for Manila, I think.


I waited for 15 minutes and at last, our counter was opened. Handed my ID and ticket. Everything was checked. I then went on the second floor and on my way to the boarding gate. First, I had to pay for the terminal fee of 200PHP. Next would be the second security check. 

Everything were all set and the long wait is over. 

All alone with my bag and phone

While waiting, I walked around the waiting area and went on one of the coffee shops inside. 

ESPRESSO

I ordered Espresso for 70PHP. I never thought what it's like to drink a cup of coffee in a coffee shop. I was disappointed. It was my first time to drink Espresso and all bitterness was there. A true bitter coffee. At first I watched the cup used and it was a very small tea cup. Then when I tasted it, I was thankful.

 After a cup coffee, the plane arrived. All the passengers from the previous flight came out. My heart was pounding so fast. I called my mom and dad and told them about everything. I even called him and said I was very nervous.

On my way inside the plane, I took pictures. 

On my way to the plane

This guy is handsome. I should have took picture of him facing  me :P

I looked at my assigned seat and there was someone there. I asked for the flight attendant and the one who's seating on my chair transferred. I got a seat near the window. I was very very happy.  

Happy me!!!!!

 The instructions were given. My seat-belt was already buckled and we were good to go. My seat mate was about in her adult age. I asked if it was her first time and she said yes. I felt relieved.

My advantage being in the window seat

The captain spoke and he welcomed us. I felt my knees and hands trembling. We were ready for take off. And as the plane rises, I was amazed to see the houses looking like a small boxes and people were very small. 

 

 The cars even looked like a small tiny car. The clouds were great and my goosebumps are everywhere. Then a tear fall down from my eyes. I was crying. I really didn't even thought I can travel through plane.

 

 

 I enjoyed the view. The clouds were of different sizes and images. The landmarks, the sea and everything else below were spectacular. I really can't explain what I felt that time. I was happy than anybody else riding on that plane.



Seat-belt button was turned off. The attendants were already on the aisle and selling some stuffs. I bought Piatos and a bottle of water. I was waiting for my change. Then I realized that it was for a 100 PHP. If only I knew, I wouldn't have bought both. 30 minutes have passed and were almost near Cebu. After 15 minutes, the captain said ready for landing and seat-belts were on. My first flight was almost over but the excitement was still there.

We landed at the Mactan International Airport, Cebu City at 10:16 am 24 minutes earlier than the said time of arrival. I almost kissed the floor of the airport and was so happy. 

That's the Mactan airport front view. People were assisting the newly arrived Cebu Pacific plane.

Right then and there, I said to my self, "This is just the beginning of my adventures in life'.

A deep appreciation :)

I got home from work around 7:30 PM. Dhee then texted me that Keith is in Davao and she wanted to go out with us. I was excited. Then I realized I haven't prepared my things yet and I need to change my clothes first. I told her that I will be late. She insisted to rush me up because she's already waiting. I needed to change and bring the things for tomorrow cause I know we won't be going home. 

I arrived in Gmall and the guards didn't allow me to go inside. I begged them and they responded sarcastically. I waited outside for 20 minutes and atlast they went out. Dhee introduced me to a friend of Keith. We decided to go to Torres, have a drink and enjoy the night.

We were already in the compound and confused where to party. We decided to stay in Supladoz. There was a live band. I forgot the name of the band. We were listening then Keith and Pearl jammed with the band and all the people were amazed. They have beautiful voices. They partied with their song and had the night of their lives. We drink and got drunk. I stopped when I felt my world spinning. I was afraid that they might not be able to carry me if I happened to be very drunk.

When Keith and Pearl went on the stage for a dance, me and Dhee had a talk. A short but very meaningful talk. She told me that she wanted to enjoy everything while she is young. Then added that she might not live more than 25 years of age. I was sad and thought of it seriously, although I didn't show it to her. We just met for about 2 weeks and seems like we already know each other for how many years. The one thing that strike me the most was when she said, that the one she posted on Facebook includes me. The message was something like ' Thank you for the people who's giving me inspiration and making me happy'. It was a very clear message and I was overwhelmed. I never thought that I could make someone happy for a short period of time. Also, was really glad that somebody appreciated the little things I do for them. I'm not being boastful but rather I am very pleased that somebody expressed her gratitude to me. It's like, a relief from all the negative things you have in life. 

We went home at 3 am and the four of us slept in her boarding house. It was a tiring but a very worthy night. I now found the reason to be happy and be satisfied with the things I have and be thankful for all the friends I had and will have specially the one who hanged out with me for the past two weeks.

Dhee: Thanks, whenever I am with you, I feel young again and seems like no problem hits my mind. You and I know that all we do is laugh and that really helps a lot. Thank you for inspiring me as well. Although you're younger than me, you taught me something I can't find from anybody else. That's giving 'DEEP APPRECIATION'.

Note: Please don't treat this with malice. It all came from the heart :P





 

Longing for a younger sister...

We were 6 siblings in the family. Me as next to the youngest and our youngest, Desiree. She is a cerebral palsy kid.

Cerebral palsy (CP) is an umbrella term encompassing a group of non-progressive, non-contagious motor conditions that cause physical disability in human development, chiefly in the various areas of body movement.

She meant a lot to me. She was the one whom I talk to every time I am down and angry. I don't care if she doesn't talk or respond. I can see in her eyes that she is listening and knows what I'm saying. Physically I never experienced to have a younger sister but I know mentally and emotionally she's there. It's maybe a natural way to long for a younger sister's love and affection since she can't give it to me because of her condition. I understand the case. I took up Bachelor of Science in Nursing because of her. I wanted to apply all the knowledge about caring for the sick and dreamt of finding the cure for her. She was my inspiration and the reason why I lasted 2 years in Nursing. It was working out well. Me going to school and taking care of her at the same time especially when I go home. I told her and made a bond that when she goes, I go. It seems that life without her is useless for me. She got all the attention from my parents and siblings but I understood it. There were just times that I needed some but no did ever gave me a little bit of attention. 

I went to college and pursued Nursing. I was on my second year then when the most fearful thing I though of happened. 

It was on the morning of January 27, 2007. Me and my older sister were invited to a wedding. We went to Davao. Before we went there, I said to Desiree that she needs to wait for me. I also told her that it won't be long. I noticed her hands looking pale and seems like no more blood is running through those innocent fingers. She had the last dose of her medicine at around 9am. That was the last prescription that the doctor gave and we never understood what was happening. 

We traveled from Digos to Davao for an hour and we arrived at the house of my sister at 11 am. Then we went to the church at 1pm. the wedding started at 2. Me and my niece went out for a walk. She was running in front of me and then she stopped and cried then said 'Ate siray is dead'. I never took the message seriously. I just laughed and told her that tita is in Digos and lying there. She run toward her mom and cried. After the wedding we went to the Grand Regal Hotel. I didn't noticed my phone was ringing. We seated in the corner of the reception room and I was about to check my phone for some messages when my brother called. He told me to get out of the room. I asked him what happened. He never want to say it unless I'm no longer with my older sister. I then pretend I went out.

At first I didn't heard what he said because of the music in the room. Then I realized something happened when he was already crying. He said that Desiree left us. I denied it at first but he insisted. My tears were falling fast that I didn't even noticed it. I wanted to scream and tell the world about how angry I am. I paused and told my sister that I need to go home because of an emergency. She insisted to have me stay there. I then told her that Desiree was rushed in the hospital (I was afraid that my older sister faint--- she has a heart condition). She then allowed me to go. 

I was running down the stairs of the hotel and felt nothing but pain. I never noticed the people around me looking at me crying. I went to the boarding house and told my best friend about it. I took all the pictures of her on the wall and hugged it. I cried and cried and cried. I felt the world against me. I was very angry. 

I went to the terminal and went home to Digos. When I arrived, It was like I wanted to go back and never wanted to go home and see her body. When I was there I felt the sadness of our house. Mom, Dad, and my two brothers were there eating and very silent. I saw her body lying on her bed. Just like an ordinary day where she sleeps. The only difference, she is no longer breathing. I asked her to breathe, I begged her to breathe and make me realize that all of it wasn't true. But there was no response... She's dead. I no longer have a younger sister and a best friend. 

From then, I never had the inspiration. I did finish nursing but I never wanted to pursue it. Every time I see someone like her, my heart crushes and I can't breathe and wanted to cry. 

Now, I have moved on and realized that it was better that way than seeing her suffering because of the condition.

However, it seems like a normal thing for me to care for someone younger than me the way I did for my sister... 

Wherever you are sis, wait for me. I'll be there and will love you the same way I did here on earth... 

Missing you so much.... :(