A happ birthday to the past....

Here I am alone in the night... Thinking and making this post... Just wanna say happy birthday... I am still glad that god gave you to me... Hope you'll have many more birthdays to come. Wishing you all the best in life and hope you'll meet your destiny soon... You can now leave me behind. I can now handle myself... 5 years of you spending my life with me looks like enough.. right?... take care and be healthy.... oH, sorry, it's still 11:25pm... I must say advance happy birthday:)

Wee na talaga? :(

Well, ano pa nga ba ang masasabi ko... Kundi ang tanga tanga ko talaga... Seems like yesterday I said I won't do the same mistakes but here I go again. Same track, lahat pareho. Ako parin nasasaktan... Bakit ba kasi ganito ako magmahal..

Dahil din siguro sa family background ko. Kasi nung bata pa ako, I never experienced someone caring for me. Like, lagay nalang natin na oo, they do care for me but because it's their obligation and not out of love. I grew up like an orphan. No one to talk to or even share anything about myself at home. The only difference is, I have what we call as 'FAMILY'. I bet you know what I mean.

Pag may problema ako, pumupunta talaga ako sa dalampasigan. I don't care how far it is from home. Sa twing titignan ko kasi ang dagat parang lahat ng problema ko nilulusaw ng tubig. Sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam ko pag nkakapunta dun. Lumaki ako ng walang gumabay at nagkalinga sa akin. Merong isa, kapatid ko but it is not the same love that I need from my parents.

I started having crushes when I was in Grade 5. Unfortunately, no one guided me. Evrytime I like someone, I'll do everything for that person. Kung pwede nga lang ako na ang manligaw gagawin ko (babaw diba?) But, I really didn't care. As long as makita ko lang yung taong gusto ko wala na ang problema ko.

Then it started. Ofcourse, as what we call 'One sided affection' I really didn't expect na meron palang ganyan. Kala ko kasi na pwede kang magmahal or magkagusto sa kahit na sino. Ayun na! nagsimula na akong ma insecure, kasi lahat ng nagugustuhan ko ginagawa akong tulay para sa babaeng gusto nila. Crap! Malaki lang katawan ko pero di naman cguro ako bagay maging tulay. :(

Hanggang college ganun parin papel ko. I expereinced having boyfriends but all didn't work out well. Seryoso daw pero ang pinakilala na bestfriend sa akin, girlfriend pala. Mahal na mahal daw ako pero parating humuhingi ng load! (Kapal!) Napagdaanan ko lahat yan ng walang magulang na gumagabay. Kasi sa tuwing mag oopen up palang ako eto na agad ang sasabihin 'Wag kang maglandi etc.' lahat ng mga masasakit na pwede mong marinig makukuha mo talaga. Buti nalang may naging kaibigan ako nung hs at college. Kasi kung wala hahaha baka andun na ako malapit sa Gmall (Mall dito sa Davao).

To sum it all up, eto parin ako nag iisa. Nasa isang relasyong walang katuturan at puro bolahan nalang. Pagod na pagod na nga ako eh. Pero cge parin.

One of my parents tried to comfort me when I cried. Sobrang badtrip lang kasi pinagalitan parin ako.. haist.. Ganda na sana ng simula wala parin pala. Kaya ngayon, kaw na magiging Best friend ko...

Baka dito ko rin ilagay suicidal note ko... hahaha jowk....