standing still....

Everytime I'm in a relationship I always set my mind not to give it all. At first it does. But when time passes by, all that matters to me is that person. I am really full of crap :(. It's always me who ends up crying. For the past 5 years, I've been with this person and been through many things.

Unfortunately, it's all the same... I tried to forget him... Bad thing=== we're still together, pretending everything's fine and nothing to worry about. We're still together eventhough he already comitted to another person. I'm really sick of it. Sick and tired and just want to get out and shout!!!! I never experienced true love and be loved..

Lately, I met this guy. Talented, strict, dedicated and passionate... He was the reason why i felt the same butterflies when I was young. I followed him everywhere and listen to every song, saved his text messages, saved his videos and pictures... Sounds like an obsessed stalker, right? But no, It's just that whenever I see him, the feeling of emptiness is no longer inside. Twas' like freedom and childish excitement. Always looking forward and never wanted it to end. Then here it goes, another failure, expectation burned and realization..

They always say it's not me, it's the situation, the people arround us, the time and every damn reason they can think of. . . Why is it so hard to tell the truth if in the first place all the alibis still hurt? Atleast respect the person and just tell what's inside and not just full of shit that doesn't even make sense...

Now I'm standing still. Waiting and waiting more for nothing...:(