Forgot about you.

Hey there. Sorry not been blogging for the past few days. I have been busy with work and specially hanging out with Dhee. We were almost drunk everyday. It was all worth it. Many things happened and really don't know why it did. Me and my exboyfriend went to a fiesta near our place. Dhee and him got into a fight but already good with it. I got a fever last wednesday but still managed to drink 2 cases of beer with some of my friends. I really don't know what's gotten into me these past few days. I think I might die because of an alcohol overdose. Does anybody know anything about that? Oh, well. That doesn't matter either, as long as I'm still alive, that's far more important.

After drinking, all I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep. Too bad I need to go to work. No chance of complaining since no one told me to drink even if I have work the next day. I just love my life right now. No one's forcing me to do this and to do that. I always follow my feet wherever it leads me. I might not live for long but will never regret all the things that happened into my life. It may never be as meaningful as with others but for me it's worth dying for. LOL. Don't really know what I am saying. Just here for now. I have had many drafts to finish. :)

The beginning of what we called 'Real Life'

When I was still at my young and vulnerable age, I wondered what will happen after I finish schooling. What course would I take and every curious questions runs through my mind. When I was in college, I never took it seriously. I always thought that life is all about fun and happenings. I was average in terms of grades and never really did learn that much. 

After graduation, the reality of looking for a job strike me. I was sitting in the middle of the town and thinking what job should I get. As a nursing graduate, it is very difficult for us to find one. Many are jobless and most doesn't fit for the job. Then it killed every dream I had. I never thought that life would be this hard. Living on your own. 

Thinking of my capacity, I decided to work in a BPO company. It was early in the morning that I printed the resumes needed for the day's planned applications. I first applied in a small call center and unfortunately, wasn't able to get the job. The money left in my pocket was just 100 PHP. I haven't had my breakfast and my feet hurts. I ignored every pain I felt. I walked all day and still didn't get any recommendations. I almost surrendered the next day. I asked 2 of my friends to go with me. Luckily, I passed the initial interview and after long hours of waiting I still failed. I stopped looking for a job. Until one day, one of the companies called and told me that there is a new account. I grabbed the opportunity and I got my first job! I called my mom and told her about it. She was as happy as I am. 

After almost 2 years of working in this company, I realized how lucky and blessed I am to have a job.

Last night, one of my best friends invited me to a fiesta. I went there with a friend and I was shocked to see him like that. When we were still in college, he's a tall thin guy and full of dreams for his family. Now, he has a stable and a nice job that provides him more that what he needed. My best friend planned to go abroad. As I watched them closely, I realized that we were no longer immature all are different.

It seems like yesterday that I graduated. Everything else is different. The way I look into life and handle it. The people around me changed. Some improved and others not. The so called fear of the unknown has been opened and I'm still starting. Hoping I won't surrender on my way and will win this battle for good.

A night with Dhee

It's been a while since we met. Like a month ago. Many said that I like her more than just a friend. As I assess myself, it was never like that and will never be close to that. She's a very close friend to me. She always make me happy and that really matters especially these days. We never ran out of topics and laughing is our main course. She is a very caring and lovable person and I've always wanted to have a friend like that. As what I have blogged recently, I am longing for a younger sister and she definitely fits to the description of what I really want. 

Last night, I went to her place and we had a few to moderate drinks. We talked all night. There are times we ran out of words but always manage to get back in the line. She always makes me feel I'm important and she never fails to show that to me.

Whenever I am with her, I feel the presence of my younger sister. The warmth of a sisterly love. I just hope that this won't be just for a short period of time. Looking forward for the more exciting days with her.

Goodbye uncle

We met because of my ex-boyfriend. He was a very nice man. He even advised my ex bf to take care of me since my father is his old friend. Every time we visit their house, he's really very warm towards us. 

He was known as the powerful person in our place but not a politician. I can't tell you further but I know his principles in life and I respect it. The one thing that strike me was when I visited him at the funeral home. No one is there except for my 2 ex boyfriends. I asked them where are the other people or relatives. They told me no one wanted to stay awake until morning or what we called as 'Bilar'.

I felt sad and very disappointed. When he was alive he was the only person whom they turn to whenever they have problems bigger than they know. He was the person whom you can trust and ask for help. Now, he's dead only those people who didn't ask for help watched him. Why do people becomes selfish even through death? 

I volunteered and told my ex boyfriend that I'll be watching him over. I didn't sleep until 4 am. We played cards and everything else. At 4, my eyes no longer want to open then decided to sleep. I woke up at 5 then continued playing cards. It was already 12 in the afternoon that 2 of the relatives came over and gave us food. No one did said that they want to stay. We stayed there until 2pm.

As we went home, I just realized what if that happens to me. What if no one wanted to visit me in those 9 days. What would I feel? 

Wherever you are uncle, I love you and thank you for all the love you have given me even if it's only for a short period of time. You made me feel that I am very welcome to your family and you treated me as your own. Thank you so much and I will never forget all the wisdom and lessons you have taught me about life.

Crazy little thing called love

A short film that made my day. This is about a young girl with a pure heart. He loves someone who's been very impossible to be with. A handsome close to perfect guy. He's a member of the varsity Team and a so called 'Campus Crush'. Nam, totally in-love with him did everything. Joined every club where Shone is. Tanned and did every beauty tip she knows. Made the top of the class. Joined the marching band. She conquered all  of this just to be with his loved one. She was disregarded by Shone. He never noticed Nam. Although there are times that they were together. Nam never did surrender. Until one day, a bestfriend of Shone asked her to be his girlfriend. Nam, didn't agree but the perception of the guy over ruled. They spend time together for the whole school year. A night of celebration came and the guy kissed Nam. Shone did see it. Nam, who's heart is only for Shone was disappointed. On their way home, Nam and the so called boyfried argued and eventually broke up. This  changed the story. 

Nam never knew that Shone was totally inlove with her. Even if when she was still nothing. Shone didn't want to make it obvious because he doesn't have the courage to show or tell it to Nam. Shone realized that she lost Nam when his best friend courted her. Shone hid everything in a scrapbook. All of the pictures of Nam taken by Shone were there. The first time he saw Nam, the first held hands with Nam, the rose he planted and cared for just to give it to Nam on valentines day. The time he was so hurt because his bestfriend courted Nam. Every glimpse of Nam was noted. Nam was also the reason why he conquered his fear of doing the penalty kick. 

 They were both in-love with each other. The bad thing is they don't know anything about each others feelings.

When I saw this movie, it reminded me of how I was before. How I fell inlove with a guy who's very impossible to be with because of his reputation and my status. Unfortunately, we were not meant for each other. But when I remember the feeling I had for him, there's really butterflies in my stomach. I really really love this movie. The best of all the movies I've seen. Simple yet most unique love story ever.

A dream come true

I woke up with headache and colds. He was with me the night before and was very surprised he went in the city all by himself. We had a couple of drinks together with my friend Cyrell. It was already 5:30 in the morning of September 18. I still need to wake Dhee up. Worried and nervous, we went to her house and unfortunately, she is still sleeping. Drunk and don't want to get up. It was like a nightmare for me. I can't go to Cebu all by myself. We already had plans. We were excited and yet, she won't wake up. I tried but she didn't really want to go. I decided to pack up my things and leave. I was also worried because Dhee has the camera. If I go there without it, It would be very useless. 

On my way to the airport, I called my co-worker Des. I asked to borrow her camera and thank God, she lend it to me. Everything was good and I'm just minutes away to one of my dreams. 


Ever since I was a kid, I always dream of traveling through plane. I always thought of flying. How was it like to be up in the air and see the beautiful land and places below. Almost inches away from the clouds and feel the heat of the sun nearer. I was almost there.

Cebu Pacific Check in Counter

I arrived at the airport around 7:40 am. Not that early for a 9:40 am flight. On the entrance, the security guard asked for my ID and itinerary receipt. Put down by bags and hand it to a baggage conveyor. Next stop would be at the counter for your ticket. Mine was for Cebu Pacific Airlines. The flight 5J 596 was still not opened. Dumb me, I lined up at the wrong counter. It was bound for Manila, I think.


I waited for 15 minutes and at last, our counter was opened. Handed my ID and ticket. Everything was checked. I then went on the second floor and on my way to the boarding gate. First, I had to pay for the terminal fee of 200PHP. Next would be the second security check. 

Everything were all set and the long wait is over. 

All alone with my bag and phone

While waiting, I walked around the waiting area and went on one of the coffee shops inside. 

ESPRESSO

I ordered Espresso for 70PHP. I never thought what it's like to drink a cup of coffee in a coffee shop. I was disappointed. It was my first time to drink Espresso and all bitterness was there. A true bitter coffee. At first I watched the cup used and it was a very small tea cup. Then when I tasted it, I was thankful.

 After a cup coffee, the plane arrived. All the passengers from the previous flight came out. My heart was pounding so fast. I called my mom and dad and told them about everything. I even called him and said I was very nervous.

On my way inside the plane, I took pictures. 

On my way to the plane

This guy is handsome. I should have took picture of him facing  me :P

I looked at my assigned seat and there was someone there. I asked for the flight attendant and the one who's seating on my chair transferred. I got a seat near the window. I was very very happy.  

Happy me!!!!!

 The instructions were given. My seat-belt was already buckled and we were good to go. My seat mate was about in her adult age. I asked if it was her first time and she said yes. I felt relieved.

My advantage being in the window seat

The captain spoke and he welcomed us. I felt my knees and hands trembling. We were ready for take off. And as the plane rises, I was amazed to see the houses looking like a small boxes and people were very small. 

 

 The cars even looked like a small tiny car. The clouds were great and my goosebumps are everywhere. Then a tear fall down from my eyes. I was crying. I really didn't even thought I can travel through plane.

 

 

 I enjoyed the view. The clouds were of different sizes and images. The landmarks, the sea and everything else below were spectacular. I really can't explain what I felt that time. I was happy than anybody else riding on that plane.



Seat-belt button was turned off. The attendants were already on the aisle and selling some stuffs. I bought Piatos and a bottle of water. I was waiting for my change. Then I realized that it was for a 100 PHP. If only I knew, I wouldn't have bought both. 30 minutes have passed and were almost near Cebu. After 15 minutes, the captain said ready for landing and seat-belts were on. My first flight was almost over but the excitement was still there.

We landed at the Mactan International Airport, Cebu City at 10:16 am 24 minutes earlier than the said time of arrival. I almost kissed the floor of the airport and was so happy. 

That's the Mactan airport front view. People were assisting the newly arrived Cebu Pacific plane.

Right then and there, I said to my self, "This is just the beginning of my adventures in life'.

A deep appreciation :)

I got home from work around 7:30 PM. Dhee then texted me that Keith is in Davao and she wanted to go out with us. I was excited. Then I realized I haven't prepared my things yet and I need to change my clothes first. I told her that I will be late. She insisted to rush me up because she's already waiting. I needed to change and bring the things for tomorrow cause I know we won't be going home. 

I arrived in Gmall and the guards didn't allow me to go inside. I begged them and they responded sarcastically. I waited outside for 20 minutes and atlast they went out. Dhee introduced me to a friend of Keith. We decided to go to Torres, have a drink and enjoy the night.

We were already in the compound and confused where to party. We decided to stay in Supladoz. There was a live band. I forgot the name of the band. We were listening then Keith and Pearl jammed with the band and all the people were amazed. They have beautiful voices. They partied with their song and had the night of their lives. We drink and got drunk. I stopped when I felt my world spinning. I was afraid that they might not be able to carry me if I happened to be very drunk.

When Keith and Pearl went on the stage for a dance, me and Dhee had a talk. A short but very meaningful talk. She told me that she wanted to enjoy everything while she is young. Then added that she might not live more than 25 years of age. I was sad and thought of it seriously, although I didn't show it to her. We just met for about 2 weeks and seems like we already know each other for how many years. The one thing that strike me the most was when she said, that the one she posted on Facebook includes me. The message was something like ' Thank you for the people who's giving me inspiration and making me happy'. It was a very clear message and I was overwhelmed. I never thought that I could make someone happy for a short period of time. Also, was really glad that somebody appreciated the little things I do for them. I'm not being boastful but rather I am very pleased that somebody expressed her gratitude to me. It's like, a relief from all the negative things you have in life. 

We went home at 3 am and the four of us slept in her boarding house. It was a tiring but a very worthy night. I now found the reason to be happy and be satisfied with the things I have and be thankful for all the friends I had and will have specially the one who hanged out with me for the past two weeks.

Dhee: Thanks, whenever I am with you, I feel young again and seems like no problem hits my mind. You and I know that all we do is laugh and that really helps a lot. Thank you for inspiring me as well. Although you're younger than me, you taught me something I can't find from anybody else. That's giving 'DEEP APPRECIATION'.

Note: Please don't treat this with malice. It all came from the heart :P





 

Longing for a younger sister...

We were 6 siblings in the family. Me as next to the youngest and our youngest, Desiree. She is a cerebral palsy kid.

Cerebral palsy (CP) is an umbrella term encompassing a group of non-progressive, non-contagious motor conditions that cause physical disability in human development, chiefly in the various areas of body movement.

She meant a lot to me. She was the one whom I talk to every time I am down and angry. I don't care if she doesn't talk or respond. I can see in her eyes that she is listening and knows what I'm saying. Physically I never experienced to have a younger sister but I know mentally and emotionally she's there. It's maybe a natural way to long for a younger sister's love and affection since she can't give it to me because of her condition. I understand the case. I took up Bachelor of Science in Nursing because of her. I wanted to apply all the knowledge about caring for the sick and dreamt of finding the cure for her. She was my inspiration and the reason why I lasted 2 years in Nursing. It was working out well. Me going to school and taking care of her at the same time especially when I go home. I told her and made a bond that when she goes, I go. It seems that life without her is useless for me. She got all the attention from my parents and siblings but I understood it. There were just times that I needed some but no did ever gave me a little bit of attention. 

I went to college and pursued Nursing. I was on my second year then when the most fearful thing I though of happened. 

It was on the morning of January 27, 2007. Me and my older sister were invited to a wedding. We went to Davao. Before we went there, I said to Desiree that she needs to wait for me. I also told her that it won't be long. I noticed her hands looking pale and seems like no more blood is running through those innocent fingers. She had the last dose of her medicine at around 9am. That was the last prescription that the doctor gave and we never understood what was happening. 

We traveled from Digos to Davao for an hour and we arrived at the house of my sister at 11 am. Then we went to the church at 1pm. the wedding started at 2. Me and my niece went out for a walk. She was running in front of me and then she stopped and cried then said 'Ate siray is dead'. I never took the message seriously. I just laughed and told her that tita is in Digos and lying there. She run toward her mom and cried. After the wedding we went to the Grand Regal Hotel. I didn't noticed my phone was ringing. We seated in the corner of the reception room and I was about to check my phone for some messages when my brother called. He told me to get out of the room. I asked him what happened. He never want to say it unless I'm no longer with my older sister. I then pretend I went out.

At first I didn't heard what he said because of the music in the room. Then I realized something happened when he was already crying. He said that Desiree left us. I denied it at first but he insisted. My tears were falling fast that I didn't even noticed it. I wanted to scream and tell the world about how angry I am. I paused and told my sister that I need to go home because of an emergency. She insisted to have me stay there. I then told her that Desiree was rushed in the hospital (I was afraid that my older sister faint--- she has a heart condition). She then allowed me to go. 

I was running down the stairs of the hotel and felt nothing but pain. I never noticed the people around me looking at me crying. I went to the boarding house and told my best friend about it. I took all the pictures of her on the wall and hugged it. I cried and cried and cried. I felt the world against me. I was very angry. 

I went to the terminal and went home to Digos. When I arrived, It was like I wanted to go back and never wanted to go home and see her body. When I was there I felt the sadness of our house. Mom, Dad, and my two brothers were there eating and very silent. I saw her body lying on her bed. Just like an ordinary day where she sleeps. The only difference, she is no longer breathing. I asked her to breathe, I begged her to breathe and make me realize that all of it wasn't true. But there was no response... She's dead. I no longer have a younger sister and a best friend. 

From then, I never had the inspiration. I did finish nursing but I never wanted to pursue it. Every time I see someone like her, my heart crushes and I can't breathe and wanted to cry. 

Now, I have moved on and realized that it was better that way than seeing her suffering because of the condition.

However, it seems like a normal thing for me to care for someone younger than me the way I did for my sister... 

Wherever you are sis, wait for me. I'll be there and will love you the same way I did here on earth... 

Missing you so much.... :(

Different....

Hello. I'm here again posting these messages on this website. Hmmm... What can I say? 

Before ko pa na meet mga new friends ko, I never imagined na it would be very fun.

To start... When I was still in college, I was the one whom they call as Meih short for Mameih or Mommy. I was the biggest person in our clasroom. I had friends then. We do the normal stuff, like goin out, eat and do some crazy things at times. The enjoyment was different from what I am experiencing right now. It's no longer about boyfriends and girlfriends. No more study habits and things inside the room. No more grade topics and everything else about school. (Although I really miss it a lot). Everything changed. Now, it's all about life. I've met different kinds of people. The one thing I've learned for the past few years of my life, truly man is unique.We change. In time, it is no longer about toys, boys and life. 

Lately, I've been with people from the music side of the world. They are great and you can really see their passion towards music and how they handle their life. Some of them just enjoying the time while others do it for survival. I never really understood the way they lived before and the love they give to the harmony of life. They are very deep. Music is their only way in showing what they feel and what they want. 

The one thing I noticed about them is that they are very good in pretending (Not the bad thing). They can blind you with their smiles and happy eyes. Deep inside, they are hurting and no one can really understand what they feel. I met this person, she just came from Japan and when you see her, you can really feel how happy she was. But as I try to understand the gestures and everything else about her, I can see the problems inside those eyes and how she is handling it. I was right. It was all about money and family problems. 

I'm running out of words again... Will continue soon.

What a day!

September 8 is our fiesta in Digos... Since I studied and worked here on Davao, I haven't celebrated the event....

This year I wanted it to be the most memorable one. Two weeks before the celebration, I asked my supervisor for a rest day on that date and was so glad when he approved it.

I was too excited. September 8 came. I woke up early, ate my breakfast and went to work. I was too anxious to go home. Atlast! My shift ended at 4:40 pm. I then texted Dhee my friend. Unfortunately, she told me  she doesn't have spare money for the fare. My friend Chrisna also texted me that she is in Davao and wants to fetch me up and we'll go together in Digos. I then thought of Dhee. Too bad Dhee haven't prepared her things yet. We ended up riding on the bus. We were havin' fun while talking. It was raining that time. Then Chrisna texted me again and said they were stranded near digos because of flood. We were still in Darong that time, 1 hour drive away from Digos. After 45 minutes we arrived at badiang and got stranded for 30 minutes. It was very cold in the bus. Still raining. I then texted my mom and she called me. She was very worried because she can't contact me. We arrived in Digos at around 8:30 pm. Had a smoke with Dhee and went home.

I was surprised when I saw my aunt and my cousins at home. They planned to visit Digos to have fun but sad to say it was raining. We had plans with my highschool friends to have a reunion and eat at Penongs. I then went to Penongs with my mom. We ate and the 4 of them arrived. Mabeth, Sahara, Daphne and Haidee was there.  We were shocked when we saw big people about 6-7ft.  We didn't know that they were PBA players. Darn! GINEBRA PBA players. If only we were fond of watching basketball we would have got an autograph. We talked and took pictures. We started walking in the rain from penongs to the park. 

I had the time of my life. Didn't care about the rain. I just felt like walking and enjoying the moment with my old friends. Then my cousins texted and wanted to go with me. I told them that it was raining and I'm with my friends. They didn't care. While walking I told them to wait for me cause I need to fetch Daryl. They agreed. Daryl told me that all of our other cousins are on their way. I waited at the Highway and they came. Me, my cousins and old friends were together. Walked for 2 hours and still no vacant place to stay. My jacket was wet. 

At 12 am we were stunned and amazed because of the fireworks. It was so wonderful. It felt like I was 6 years old again. Arianne took pictures of it and it lasted for 20 minutes. The rain still didn't want us to enjoy the night. Still the people were walking, having fun and drinking. My friends decided to go home. Me and my cousins were very exhausted because we were walking for like 3 hours already. After an hour we stayed in OUTPOST. A small bar near the church in Digos. Tagalog na naman ha... nauubusan na kasi ako... lol... Ayun, nag inuman na kami. Bumili ng yosi atuminom ng uminom

Inimbita ko si PAST sa outpost... nagkatuwaan at naginuman parin. Nagtransfer kami sa Kalye uno kasi tinxt ako ng kakilala ko.Wala pala sya dun andun pala sa isang bar na yoko na sanang puntahan... Pero kasi lasing, pinuntahan namin. Nag withdraw pa kami ni Arriane. Pagdating namin, nakita ko nanaman siya.... hindi maalis -alis ang mata ko sa mukha nya.... I felt the song eventhough it was in the tune of rnb. I wanted to talk to him and hug him even wanted to kiss him. I realized that I did miss him that much. Tinawag ko yung ko kakilala ko na drummer at sinabi ko ang plano namin pa cebu this coming 18th. Tapos nun umuwi na mga cousins ko at ako din. 

I went home felt like hopeless and wanted to cry... Kasi I really don't want to see him. Para akong tanga noh...Inlove ako sa isang taong bago ko pa lang nakilala.. bakit ba kasi :(

The overall experience was average. I had fun but at the same time pissed off. 

Belated happy aniversary Digos...

Lastly, I heard this message from an old lady 'daw linte ning mga batan on bsta disco daghan kay tao. Wa man gahuna huna sa simbahan na birthday man ni Mama Mary. Tuara gi gab-an di na undangon ang ulan' hahaha... May tama ka lola.... :)